The twilight Zone

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-2395002075547394719&q=wmd

http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=7594819479232827300&q=missile+launch

Lights on, door open, nobody at home

As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

He's as bent as a butchers hook

He's as happy as a Pig in $hit

About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box

About as subtle as a flying brick

She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum

She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs

As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm

She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

About as interesting as watching paint dry

Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard

I've seen better hands on a clock

As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market

He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day

She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits

As nervous as a turkey at Christmas

She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo

She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel

She's as fit as a butchers dog

She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag

As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender

Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.

As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner

This guy is all foam, no beer.

As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.

A legend in his own mind...

He's an expert on padded cells.

He couldnae engineer his way outta paper bag!

Once upon a time there was a little bird migrating from snowy mountains to the warmer plains.
It was windy up in the sky and too snowy on the land.
The little bird was struggling to keep flying,until the time came when she got exhausted and fell down in the snow.
Since it was too cold and the little bird was too tired to move a wing,it fainted.
A cow was passing by,who shitted a few pounds of dung on the helples little bird.The warmth of the dung woke up the bird.And it felt nice and warm in there,so it started chirping.
A cat was pasing by and was very hungry.It heard the sound of bird chirping from a heap of dung,and told itself,lets have a meal.Quickly it pulled the bird out of the shit ,cleaned it,killed it and ate it.
The moral of the story is : Anyone who throws shit on you may not be your enemy.
Anyone who pulls you out of shit may not be your friend.
If you are happy under a pile of shit,dont tell anyone and keep shut.

"I define knowledge as a relation between two or more concepts, where concepts are mental objects. But these concepts do not exist apart from a conceptualizer, an intelligent being. Thus human knowledge is subjective and has no absolute meaning."

-- Patrick Reany